Today I thought it happened.  I really did.  I was sitting in a chair eating chicken nuggets out of a tin foil sack (a makeshift lunch) when I turned around and less than five feet away I thought that I saw THIS GUY:

And to be honest, part of me panicked. I looked away. I focused on my chicken nugget sack. I thought to myself, “Oh. no. The time has come. You have to act. It’s like that guy from work says all the time, ‘Money talks and bullshit walks.’ If you don’t put down your nuggets, get out of this chair, and talk to Kevin Bacon about life, then you are bullshit. Except you’re not walking, you’re just sitting on your chicken ass. You’re a CHICKEN.”

It was a long thought. And then I turned back around to look at Kevin Bacon and my heart sank.  Again. Not out of panic that time, but out of a realization of great misfortune. Because unlike that fateful day in the Broadway box office just a few months ago, it was not dear, sweet Bacon. It was THIS GUY:

John Norris, former correspondent on MTV News. Who, I might add, looks suspiciously and maddeningly similar to Kevin Bacon. WTF, John Norris. Thanks a LOT, John Norris. Thanks for looking vaguely like the exact person I desperately need to make contact with BEFORE THE NEXT ELEVEN DAYS ARE UP.

God damn it, is life silly or what? What a trip. What a harsh bite off the apple of life. “MTV News: You hear it first.” Yeah, whatever. Here’s how I feel about that:

But guess what. I will rise above this awful note. It’s just like the formula with Hollywood movies (Hollywood movies starring Kevin Bacon): the hero is always at their lowest point in the third act. Well, I’m the hero of this story and this is my third act. Now all I need to do is gloriously rise from the ashes of this almost Bacon-filled day.

Thank you, more than ever, for your support. Lately I’ve been eating a lot of BLTs. I’ll let you decide what that means…

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11 DAYS until the exciting conclusion. Stay tuned.